How to Reconcile with an Ex Wife after a Divorce

A divorce can be terrible and messy; however, there are prospects of reconciliation. For those second glances to happen, both parties should have the willingness to make things work between them. Most couples divorce due issues that could be worked on and even reversed. Therefore, their decision to reconcile should be arrived at for all the right reasons. It should not be reached because of the pressure of raising children or the duration of the marriage. For a reconciliation process to succeed, both parties should have achieved a complete state of acceptance and peace. Below are five steps to rekindle the flames with a divorced partner; [Read: Possible Ways to Get Your Love Back – Will He Come Back After All? ]


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Step 1: Keep CalmThe process of trying to get back requires patience. Therefore, you need to calm yourself to avoid making mistakes that make you look desperate. When composed you will be able to make mature and informed decisions. A relaxed and collected person will not make desperate choices such as continually calling the ex and indulging in self-pity to manipulate the ex to take you back. You should also avoid giving them unnecessary attention because it makes you look insecure, desperate, and weak. Also, avoid lashing out and bad-mouthing your ex to your mutual friends. These drastic actions may drive you into committing crimes or even causing harm to yourself if not received well by your ex. Despite how angry you feel, calm down as it makes you look sophisticated and smart. After you’ve cooled down, the next step is to take time off to repair you a broken heart and the damage you might have caused during the separation. [Read: How To Fix A Relationship ]

Step 2: Cut all CommunicationIn this phase, you should cut all communication with the ex-spouse unless it concerns something urgent. Minimizing contact means no texting, calling, stalking on social media, or even spending time with your mutual friends. This phase could last for 1-6 months although, you could extend it for as long as you want. However, if you take too long, your ex could start dating somebody else. The no contact stage is supposed to help you assess the pros and cons of the marriage, give you and your ex-spouse time to heal, and rebuild the self-confidence and self-esteem lost during the break-up.

Step 3: Rebuild Lost Self-confidenceTaking time to reflect on the relationship will give you a clear picture of whether the marriage is worth saving or not. It is also the time to assess merits and demerits of the union and whether being with your ex-spouse makes you happy or not. The end of a relationship involves separation of things, disruption of normality, resentment, and hate. The no-contact phase also gives both you time to heal from all the damage caused during the divorce.

The emotional stress that comes with a break up could have significant impacts on one’s self-esteem. Therefore, you should also focus on rebuilding your self-confidence to recover lost identity. Regaining self-confidence involves engaging in projects and activities that do not require you ex’s approval. The success of such endeavors could help you improve your personality and inspire you to reconcile with your spouse. Additionally, one could choose to change their physical appearance to give themselves a new look. Some of the things one could do include getting in shape or even putting up a different hairstyle. These reason behind these changes is so that your ex-spouse meets the refined and confident person they fell in love with back then. After you have dealt with all these parameters, you can now set up a communication platform.

Step 4: Initiate ContactThis step comes when one is entirely sure they want their ex back. Initiating contact after one is composed and has regained self-confidence could bring back the attraction that existed before the divorce. You could call, text, or email the partner to set up a meeting. If you choose the calling option to reach out to your ex, you should talk cordially. Do not try to coax them into going out with you.

If they agree, you should stay calm during the meeting and cease from bringing up old grievances. Revisiting past issues on the first encounter after the divorce could stir up hate. This first meeting should be brief, and you should engage your ex on talks pertaining common issues. When your ex-partner sees how relaxed you look, they may even feel the need to invite you out next time.

After the first meeting, communication should be kept civil, and you should not directly talk about their feelings and thoughts about the past marriage. Lastly, you should take things slow and refrain from getting intimate as this would cloud your judgment. [Read: Getting Over a Break Up To a New Beginning ]

Step 5: Take Things Slow and Set Relationship GoalsThe goal of this stage to start re-building trust and attraction through constant communication and frequent meetings. The purpose of this step is to win your ex slowly. However, getting an ex-spouse back is one thing and making them stay permanently requires effort. Once reconciled, both parties should adopt skills to deal with new challenges in the marriage to ensure that they do not split up again. This couple should avoid getting into problems that caused the divorce the first time. For instance, if communication was the major problem in the marriage, both parties should learn to communicate more often. The intensity of their conversations should also increase, and the couple should understand each other at a much deeper level than the previous.

The couple should also pay attention to each other’s needs and make them top priorities as this would give them a sense of importance. Both the ex-husband and wife should also work on their confidence individually so that they do not rely on each other’s approval. Upon adopting proper conflict resolution skills, the couple should find ways of making them permanent for better results in the future.

They should redefine their relationship goals and objectives for better outcomes. The couple should venture into activities and projects that build them both socially and financially. Focusing on the achievement of these goals leaves minimal time for fights and disconnects. Lastly, the partners should ensure that do not fall back into old patterns as this is a new and improved relationship


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